


is that alright?

by myoonki



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Breakup, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Falling Out of Love, Fluff, Heartbreak, I dont know how to tag, I love Death, Love, Love Triangle, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Romance, Short One Shot, This Is Sad, Unrequited Love, baekyeol is nice, but also my friends cry over everything, but making people suffer is nicer, i also got yelled at, i also refuse to learn how to tag, i asked my friend what to put for the tags and she said a bunch of emo shit, i tried tagging sorry, like i made my friends cry, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 08:06:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11778906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myoonki/pseuds/myoonki
Summary: baekhyun fell in love, and so did chanyeol.





	is that alright?

**Author's Note:**

> i love inflicting pain. this is based on a song (is that alright? - ashe). literally, the lyrics are all over the fic, provided to you for dramatic effect.
> 
> also ive never written a one shot before, so i hope this is okay!

**_Love is so different here, in another hemisphere._**  
  
Baekhyun was pretty sure Chanyeol had the ability to bring him to another planet altogether. When they were together, it was if nothing else in the world even existed. If it weren’t for the occasional interruptions of people around them, Baekhyun would have forgotten long ago that there were even other people, and even when he did remember that there were others sharing their space, it didn’t matter. They weren’t important.  
  
Chanyeol was able to capture every ounce of attention Baekhyun had to offer, and then some. There was never a moment where Baekhyun’s thoughts went elsewhere. _Chanyeol_. Chanyeol was all Baekhyun ever thought about. It was the most wondrous and exquisite honeymoon phase Baekhyun had ever had the pleasure of experiencing. He knew very well there would be hard days to come, but he didn’t care as long as he knew Chanyeol would be there to carry him away from the rest of the world.  
  
**_All I can do is sit and stare at your pretty, stare at your pretty face._**  
  
Chanyeol was probably the most beautiful person Baekhyun had ever laid his eyes on. He had such unique features that Baekhyun couldn’t help but feel himself fall in love with just a little bit deeper every day. From his wide eyes to his messy hair that Baekhyun always found himself wanting to tangle his fingers in, down to his perfectly red lips.  
  
Chanyeol was just about the prettiest boy Baekhyun had ever seen, and Baekhyun had a difficult time ever willing himself to look away from the taller boy. Baekhyun was pretty sure he could stare at Chanyeol’s fingers twisted together with his own for hours. There was so much poetry to be written about the boy and everything from the smooth feeling of his skin, down to his quirky little laugh that never ceased to touch even the darkest parts of Baekhyun’s heart.  
  
Baekhyun was almost positive that Chanyeol’s touch could bring a stone figure to life with how much warmth and love he provided.  
  
**_We’ve been out every night, you’re mine without a fight._**  
  
They had seemed to click from the very first moment they met. It wasn’t until Baekhyun had seen Chanyeol that he truly understood the meaning of falling in love at first sight. Chanyeol was just perfect. It was as if Chanyeol had been perfectly crafted by the heavens, and then was gifted upon Baekhyun by the gods, wherever they may be.  
  
His life fell together with Chanyeol’s perfectly. There were no outside forces acting against their courtship, and Baekhyun took that as a sign. Chanyeol belonged to him, just as he always would. There was nothing that could ever come between them.  
  
They spent every free moment with each other and despite the near constant exposure to one another, they never seemed to grow tired of each other’s company, whether it includes soft murmurs of adoration or the whispering of lips and tongues working in unison while hands worked together to bring their bodies closer.  
  
**_Holding onto you is simple and new, I’m dying for you._**  
  
Baekhyun had no trouble falling in love with Chanyeol. It was as easy and as natural as taking a breath of air. He didn’t even have to think about it, body and mind did all of the work for him. There was never a moment where Baekhyun had to give more than a second thought to Chanyeol.  
  
Chanyeol had become his everything over night, and there was never a single doubt in his mind that he would ever need the company or love of anyone else. Chanyeol held more love in his pinky finger than most people would come to give throughout their entire lives. He was always kind and patient, and Baekhyun could never ask for anything more than what had already been given to him the moment Chanyeol walked into his life.  
  
**_Living away from you is killing and bleeding, my lungs are receding._**  
  
But just like Baekhyun had a past, Chanyeol had his own. There were days where Chanyeol would break down in Baekhyun’s arms, the pain of his past dragging him into a world of hurt that he had never learned to cope with. Baekhyun liked to think he became Chanyeol’s coping. He liked to believe that somehow his fingers in Chanyeol’s hair and lips against his skin somehow was growing to cure Chanyeol of any pain he had ever known.  
  
And there became times where Chanyeol probably did believe that Baekhyun’s reassuring words and gentle touches did tape things up, but that’s all it ever did. _Tape_. Over time tape could start to peel and grow weak at the ends. Given enough weathering and disruption, the tape could be removed. Sometimes the tape came off easily, without either of them noticing, but sometimes it was a rough removal, snagging and pinching at Chanyeol’s insides to the point where the removing became more painful than the actual suffering it had been meant to cover.  
  
**_Something about you just makes me whole._**  
  
Baekhyun never gave up, though. He wanted Chanyeol to feel just as complete and whole as Baekhyun felt every day. Every time Chanyeol broke, Baekhyun felt a piece inside of his own heart crack and tear into his very being. After a while, the fragility of his heart became too much and then it became a slow bleed.  
  
Just as Baekhyun didn’t realize his veins were bleeding out and life was slipping from him, he also didn't realize Chanyeol was slipping from his arms, growing further and further apart every time the pain broke through the surface of his loving front. As hard as it was for Baekhyun to watch, it was a hundred times harder for Chanyeol to experience. His body was failing much quicker than Baekhyun’s, and Chanyeol was the first to realize that everything was going to fall apart.  
  
**_Come down for a drink or two and sit beside the window’s view._**  
  
Chanyeol didn’t ever want to hurt Baekhyun. They had both met quite young, at a time where both of them were eager for the blistering passion that everyone seemed to crave at their age, and they were lucky enough to have found it so easily within each other. He had fallen in love with Baekhyun just as easily as Baekhyun did, and though it wasn’t the exact same for both of them, there were times where Chanyeol thought they might be each others' forever.  
  
**_Make room for the looks we’ll share as I focus on you and you comb through your hair._**  
  
Their lives together lasted several years, the honeymoon taking a couple years before it finally did slip away, however, they still loved each other. They treated each other with as much kindness and patience with each other towards the end that they did in the very beginning. They never cursed our fought. They never did things in spite of each other.   
  
They knew each other’s friends, they were involved in each other’s families. They had futures planned and they shared a house together that they had built a home, nail by nail and brick by brick.  
  
They did nothing wrong, yet the foundation of the home still brought everything to an untimely end.  
  
**_I know that I’m not your choice, but the boy I was wasn’t who you loved._**  
  
Yixing was his name, Baekhyun would come to learn. Even years after their demise when Baekhyun would see pictures of them together or see them walking along the street with their hands linked together, Baekhyun would be unable to say he had ever met the man who would come to win his precious love over.  
  
He would never come to know the man who stole his home away and rebuilt it better than Baekhyun could have ever dreamed. His home, which consisted of goofy ears and horrible cooking would come to share a bed and a life with a man Baekhyun had never spoken a word to, yet somehow Chanyeol found his everything without Baekhyun even knowing.  
  
**_And so I’m gonna sit outside and think of you, is that alright?_**  
  
Baekhyun did know of him. Long before he had even realized Chanyeol was falling out of love he knew of this great friend Chanyeol was always talking about. Date night moved from Friday to Thursday, since _"Yixing has to work late afternoons on Thursday, so we can only hang out on Friday!"_  
  
Some nights Baekhyun stayed awake in an empty bed, waiting for Chanyeol to return from Yixing’s house, and after Baekhyun had finally forced himself to sleep, he would often wake up to a text from Chanyeol, apologizing for not having come home the night before, but that he had gotten distracted and he had decided to stay at Yixing’s since it was so late and he had to be at work early in the morning.  
  
**_You cannot flee from love._**  
  
Still, Baekhyun thought nothing of it even when Chanyeol started keeping some clothes at Yixing’s. Chanyeol would tell him every detail of his time with Baekhyun, and Baekhyun had never been given any reason to think Chanyeol would be dishonest. He knew Chanyeol would ever tell him if something was different. He trusted Chanyeol with his everything, and his blind love refused to believe Yixing was ever a thing Baekhyun would ever need to worry about.  
  
**_Knicks and bruises are just trophy cups._**  
  
No matter how much trust he gave Chanyeol, it still hurt when date night kept getting pushed around the weeks to accommodate for Yixing until the point where it just disappeared completely. His life became a series of accommodating for Yixing, and though Baekhyun really didn’t want to give into the whispers in the back of his head insisting Chanyeol was going to lose him, the slow bleed in his heart began to pick up a pace.  
  
He didn’t want to be the boyfriend who grew deeper into a depression while his lover’s happiness was flourishing beyond belief for once, but he wanted to be the one to provide Chanyeol with everything, and now Chanyeol came to him for nothing. With Yixing, there was never a reason for Chanyeol to need anything… _except Yixing._  
  
**_I’ve got your scent embroidered and stuck in my senses, latched onto my front brain._**  
  
The day Baekhyun realized that the only thing in their closet left of Chanyeol was a few shirts and a pair of pants was the day that Baekhyun realized he was living on borrowed time with Chanyeol. Never did he doubt Chanyeol’s loyalty, and he never brought accusing words of hate to Chanyeol, but he knew things were coming to an end. Chanyeol didn’t even bother to come back to the house to see Baekhyun unless it including dropping off money for rent or stopping by to do a load of laundry.  
  
_"You should really come to dinner with us, Baek,"_ Chanyeol would insist. " _It’s been a year and you still haven’t met him. I talk about you with him all the time! He knows everything about you and neither of you have even seen each other in person."_  
  
_"Maybe another time,"_ Baekhyun would respond, pressing a kiss into the sharp edge of Chanyeol’s jaw, and then they’d go on with their normal routines. Baekhyun had no interest in meeting a man that had made Chanyeol a passing guest in their own home together.  
  
**_Call me never; leave no voicemails. How can I be sure you’re still around?_**  
  
When Baekhyun woke up to an empty bed yet again, he was almost positive that what he was feeling was death. He dragged himself around the house that morning, taking his time preparing a meal for one, and took a shower in a bathroom that only even had one toothbrush in it.  
  
As Baekhyun walked around the house, he realized there was no sign of Chanyeol. _No_ , not as in Chanyeol’s body. He never woke up expecting to see the boy anymore. When he looked around there was nothing that belonged to Chanyeol. The belongings scattered around the house were all Baekhyun’s. _Baekhyun’s shirt, Baekhyun’s shoes, Baekhyun’s bills._  
  
_Baekhyun’s house._  
  
**_It’s not addiction, I’m just affixed to you and your open wounds._**  
  
When Baekhyun walked into the closet and found the last of Chanyeol’s shirts gone, he knew everything was done. Their home had been torn apart, piece by piece until the only thing that remained was Baekhyun’s spot next to an empty side of a bed that didn’t even hold the shape of a person.  
  
**_Living away from you is killing and bleeding, my lungs are receding._**  
  
Baekhyun now understood what it was like to be on Chanyeol’s end of the breaking. He understood the feeling of what it was like to suffocate and choke on even air as everything around him fell apart. He felt like blood was heavy in his throat and that everything was slipping between his fingers.  
  
**_Something about you just quits me cold._**  
  
And all Baekhyun could do was sit on the floor of the closet and let the tears fall from his face as he tucked himself into a ball, hoping the security of his own arms would be enough to hold himself together as he prayed that he would never need a false safety that metaphorical tape would provide.  
  
**_Come down for a drink or two and sit beside the window’s view._**  
  
Baekhyun couldn’t bring himself to see Chanyeol. His fingers wouldn’t even work with him properly to dial Chanyeol’s number on the phone. He didn’t know where Yixing lived or if they were even at Yixing’s home right now, but it didn’t matter. None of it mattered.  
  
Chanyeol had taken the last piece of himself away from Baekhyun, and now he was falling apart and Baekhyun didn’t even want to start looking at the remaining pieces.  
  
**_Make room for the looks we’ll share as I focus on you as you comb through your hair._**  
  
Baekhyun didn’t receive any calls or texts from Chanyeol for an entire week, and Baekhyun really didn’t know how to tell himself it was going to be okay. The words couldn’t even form together in his mind, and even if they could he didn’t know if he could convince himself it was the truth.  
  
There was a place in his heart that was empty and it was his own fault for having been blind to the fact. The hole had been cleared out piece by piece, a bit of the muscle chipping away in the smallest of fragments until nothing remained of the spot that once Chanyeol had been so happily occupying. The blood had poured out completely until there was nothing left to pump life into Baekhyun’s body, not that there was anything he saw worth breathing for.  
  
**_I know that I’m not your choice, but the boy I was wasn’t who you loved._**  
  
When he finally did see Chanyeol, it started with the knocking on a door. Baekhyun had to force his legs to lead him to the door. Baekhyun had been avoiding everyone, only bothering to leave the house to go to work after he had decided two personal days was too much to be dealing with a losing a relationship that had ended long ago.  
  
It was his own fault, he should have realized sooner. He was the idiot that lost his boyfriend because he didn’t want to see it for himself. He didn’t fight for Chanyeol to stay, he had just let it happen.  
  
**_And so I’m gonna sit outside and think of you, is that alright?_**  
  
Baekhyun had no love left to offer when he opened the door to see Chanyeol. There was no exchange of words or comforting hands wrapping around bodies. There was no love to share, not from either of them.  
  
All that was left was Baekhyun’s agony, and Chanyeol’s shame and guilt.  
  
**_He can’t afford what I give you, love that is truly eternal._**  
  
The only arms that wrapped around Chanyeol this time were his own. He knew he had done wrong. He didn’t even bother using the key to their house and Baekhyun didn’t know if that made it better or worse. Not only was Chanyeol now a total stranger to their own home, but even Chanyeol didn’t feel comfortable using his own key. _He had to knock and wait to be invited it._  
  
Chanyeol broke down, and Baekhyun’s suffering just became worse. He had let Chanyeol get away, and instead of Chanyeol being happy without him, Baekhyun had somehow caused his lost lover to feel sorrow in his time of joy.  
  
**_His ring can’t mean what you mean to me._**  
  
So Baekhyun listened. He listened while Chanyeol spat out his apologies. He listened while Chanyeol begged for forgiveness. He listened while Chanyeol told him the painstakingly long story of love, except this story started with the downfall of Baekhyun and the rise of Yixing.  
  
Baekhyun hurt. Chanyeol and Yixing’s love story began with the ending of Baekhyun’s. Baekhyun never said a word during the entirety of Chanyeol’s speech. Baekhyun offered no comfort towards the boy. No matter how much he wanted to grab Chanyeol and beg him to stay, Chanyeol was telling him all the reasons why he could not do that anymore.  
  
**_It’s not touch I need just for you to know me._**  
  
Baekhyun still could not be angry. Even as he was told him of how Yixing had stolen Chanyeol’s heart out from right under his nose. _He could not be angry._  
  
Baekhyun was convinced that this was all his fault, and having to listen to this was his punishment. He told himself over and over that he deserved every moment of stabbing betrayal to his heart. The daggers came from every angle and they twisted around without any mercy, making sure no part of his heart was free from this pain.  
  
**_But you’ll never know me, 'cause you’re just a fantasy._**  
  
Baekhyun willed the pain to go away, and he drowned his brain with every memory that he and Chanyeol shared.  
  
He thought of their first meeting when Chanyeol had nearly spilled a latte all over Baekhyun in the old coffee shop that Chanyeol had used to work in. He thought of their first date when the pair had insisted _"No, let me pay!"_ He thought of every brush of skin against skin. He thought of how sure Chanyeol’s hands were the first time he had pulled Baekhyun in for a kiss. He thought of all their cliché little dates, where Chanyeol made a point of kissing Baekhyun goodnight exactly three times (one for each cheek, and then a gentle and caring one saved specifically for his lips).  
  
**_Come down for a drink or two and sit beside the window’s view._**  
  
Baekhyun watched Chanyeol’s hands fly in the air as he desperately tried to explain himself, and Baekhyun hated himself for somehow making Chanyeol feel the need to justify love. Who could ever blame the boy made in the heavens for something as simple as falling in love? Chanyeol’s purpose was to love.   
  
**_Make room for the looks we’ll share as I focus on you and you comb through your hair._**  
  
Still, there was a stinging feeling that flowed through Baekhyun’s body when Chanyeol finally left. He felt as if he had been hit by a bus. Baekhyun watched as the boy sobbed in front of him. He watched as he broke down harder than ever. He watched as the boy struggled to breathe as he explained his love story that Baekhyun would no longer get to be a part of.  
  
It hit harder than anything Baekhyun had ever known, and he still couldn’t bring himself to say a word as Chanyeol pleaded over and over.  
  
_"Baekhyun, Baekhyun, Baekhyun… Please, Baekhyun."_  
  
Nothing Chanyeol could say would get him to speak. He had lost his ability to speak, so when Chanyeol left this time he watched him leave as he had the past year, without asking him to stay… without giving him a reason to stay.  
  
**_I know that I’m not your choice, but the boy I was wasn’t who you loved._**  
  
Baekhyun played all the memories on a loop, holding on to what he had left of the boy. His eyes caught sight of the key and Baekhyun didn’t know how to feel anymore. He couldn’t cry, he couldn’t speak. He wasn’t even sure this qualified as pain, as the word seemed far too simple. He would continue to blame himself, even though it wasn't not his fault.  
  
**_And so I’m gonna sit outside and think of you…_**  
  
Baekhyun was pretty sure Chanyeol had the ability to bring him to another planet altogether. When they were together, it was if nothing else in the world even existed. If it weren’t for the occasional interruptions of people around them, Baekhyun would have forgotten long ago that there were even other people, and even when he did remember that there were others sharing their space, it didn’t matter. They weren’t important.  
  
But this was all in the past, and now his lover traveled with another.  
  
**_Is that alright?_**


End file.
